The Ego Trap

It’s the paradox of power. People in democratic societies crave servant leaders — public officials with minimal egos. Yet the candidates who run for the highest positions in their lands have massive egos — and maybe they have to. It may take an enormous sense of self-regard to believe you can govern a nation and that millions of people will vote for you. 

On a smaller scale, that situation often plays out in the corporate world, including in the security and risk communities. Leadership requires confidence, which can mutate into cockiness and manifest as arrogance. How do the most successful leaders inspire and motivate their people without gorging on power? 

To get insight, I spoke to several security leaders, as well as executive coaches who work with security professionals. 

“We have all seen toxic leaders,” says Joe Rector, Director of Staff at HQ U.S. Air Force/Security Forces Directorate. “It is all about them. They constantly talk about themselves and consistently seek the spotlight. They take the credit of others. They abuse their authority and treat their subordinates badly. It doesn’t mean they don’t get the mission done, but it is usually at a cost of low organizational morale and low productivity. They are kind leader with who people do not want to work and avoid if they can.” 

As simple as it sounds, Rector avoids this trap by focusing on the golden rule. He actively encourages his staff’s wellbeing and professional development. He makes sure to credit them for their work, and he shares — or give them exclusively — the limelight.  

“Also, I try to prepare them for the next leadership level in their career, making sure they have the right training and give them assignments that prepare them for the future,” he says. By modeling that behavior, he avoids the ego trap and tacitly inculcates humility in his staff. 

Several security executives and coaches emphasized that the ego question comes down to your “why” for being a leader. “Is it for personal glory or mission success?” asks Lori Flor, Director of Safety and Security at the University of California San Diego. 

Executive Coach Alicia Rodriguez elaborates on that theme: “First, what drives a leader to lead? Is he or she committed to something so much so that they want to participate, influence, and change it for the better from a position of authority and power? Or are they primarily driven to lead because they desire status, power, and ways to feel worthy?” 

If it’s for power and glory, the task to quell the ego becomes dramatically more difficult. 

What about leaders who start out altruistic and noble but become intoxicated with power and removed from their reports as they climb the ladder? To prevent such hubris and self-satisfaction from taking root, Rodriguez recommends finding something outside of work that gives you meaning and purpose, be it family, faith, friendships, or otherwise. It’s critical to stay grounded and reflective, she says. Finally, leaders have to be brutally honest with themselves, she says: “Can you wake up every morning knowing and feeling you are doing the right thing, especially when no one is noticing, seeing, or affirming your actions?” 

Periodic self-evaluation is key. As JT Mendoza, Senior Director of Global Information Security at Marriott International puts it, “Great leaders have a high level of self-awareness — they know themselves, can take a look at themselves, but also understand their environment and dynamics at play.” 

Equally important is having people who will call you out. 

Mendoza says he learned a humbling lesson during his final years in the military, as he was transitioning to federal service. “I was called out for being a bad leader,” he recalls. But he used it as a learning experience. Undertaking a 360-leadership assessment, he swallowed his pride and sought out colleagues who he knew would score him harshly. He used the feedback to improve his leadership skills. 

I also asked these experts how far you can take your public persona before you come across as an egomaniac. There’s no pat answer. Some people can routinely keynote conferences, appear on podcasts, publish articles, and win awards — and document it all on LinkedIn — without coming across as self-centered. Others come across as narcissists in a single post. It all depends on what your message is and how you deliver it. 

As for accomplishments, “Think about whether you want to put it on LinkedIn,” advises UCSD’s Flor. “It’s fine if you’re not overwhelming people and the information is timely and valuable.” 

Instead of posting about your own reward, consider instead using your social media clout to praise someone on your team who has earned an achievement or gained recognition, such as obtaining a new certification, completing a course, or receiving a volunteer leadership role. 

Perhaps Simon Sinek puts it best, when comparing the ego-driven leader to the generous leader: “A star wants to see himself rise to the top. A leader wants to see those around him rise to the top.”